Frustration, know thine name

ever feel like screaming and crying into a pillow really loudly and flailing your arms and legs like a crazy person just to relieve some stress? well, that's how i feel today. i have not been sleeping proper. i have been going to bed too late, or early, depending on how you look at it. as a result, i have been waking up too late. i hate my upstairs neighbor lady and hope evil things happen to her but so far it's not working. it's just making me angry and i think i have an obsession with controlling my surroundings. thing is, my life is not under control right now. well, the career portion is not under control. and when that happens i feel this tremendous urge to make sure SOMETHING is under some serious control and at least (for your sake and mine) that one thing is not my hair this time. this time, that one thing is my home and how perfect it needs to be and how clean and quiet and relaxing and organized and ABSOLUTELY CONTROLLED it must be. and this stupid cunt rag neighbor lady is foiling my plans.
where is my therapist?
oh, and that's another thing. i think i might need a therapist (pist, pist) but i do not know how to go about finding one that does not suck.
something else. since being unemployed i hardly go outside because if you go outside you will spend money and i have no money. so i stay inside and obsess over things i cannot control and eat spaghetti because it's cheap.
at least i can start drinking hot tea because it's getting autumnal.
i don't think i like october. too many people died in october. at least we have halloween. though perhaps i'm too old to dress up this year.
see what i mean? it's getting bad.
What Else? well, ever since i got engaged i feel like certain someones, certain friends, have stopped calling me. engagement is some kind of repellant. well, it makes me sad. i feel like i'm running out of compadres in my area code. i need a helicopter so i can visit my friends who have scattered themselves all over the country/globe.
nobody said it was easy. huh.

what should i do with this website? it's taking up valuable internet space and not doing much for itself or anyone else.
i don't really write here at image.org/look, i write at http://www.livejournal.com/users/look but should that change?
why have 2 blogs? why? tell me. tell me do. some of you do it and i don't know how you do it. aren't you confused most of the time?
i have an idea for a website. it will be called "WHAT SHOULD LISA BLISS DO WHEN SHE GROWS UP?" and there will be several choices. people will vote and whichever occupation gets the most votes will be the job i train for and the job i work on for the next few years or until i get bored.
i am an ENFP, by the way, so please keep that in mind when suggesting possible careers.

Narm

Moral of the story: if you don't want to love the one you're with, fuck the quaker!
NATE DIEDEDED!
He's deaddy.

As soon as the season is over, we are cancelling our premium channels. I have no hope for something better.

they have very brown green beans at kfc. they cook them for so long that they disintegrate upon contact with the tip of the plastic fork.
today's mission was to find something that screams "fast track" for my job interview monday. i went to the mall at 2:00 and 5 hours later i bought a suit jacket and it doesn't match my black pants. well, it does match but not in that dorky way you expect a suit to match. the jacket is black and pinstriped. GOD i hate suits so much. i am kind of kicking myself for agreeing to such a thing. the low moment of the day was when i went to jc penney and looked at their suits. SUITS ARE SO UGLY! maybe i would have bought one there if i wanted to look like i was making fun of suit wearers.
yesterday i had an old fashioned day. i went to the movies to see me and you and everyone we know by myself.
the best part was before the movie when i listened to the 2 old ladies sitting behind me. there's nothing quite like a conversation between lifelong friends. topics of conversation i enjoyed the most involved sewing shoulder pads into a suit jacket and how one lady mailed a letter to england and it never got there and was returned to her for no reason. what a waste of 70 cents! someday maybe i'll be like the golden girls. when i'm old i hope i go to independent movies with my best friend.
other old fashioned parts of the day were when i saw bryan get a haircut by a real barber, ate at a diner with a visible food assembly line, and went to the wine store and was taken care of very nicely. i love good customer service. i just told the wine expert what i like and he found me jewels.

i forgot to tell you some stuff.
i got hit on on sunday. and monday.
sunday i was straddling my bike waiting for bryan outside the bike shop and this (black) man came up to me and told me how the bike was doing me "a world of good" as he stared at my ass. he wouldn't stop going on about it and told me "believe me, i know".
monday a guy came up to me on the train (he was also dark skinned) and asked if the train was going to manhattan. i told him yes. then he told me i had really cute feet and i ignored him. he asked if i heard what he said and i told him to please leave me alone. he walked away.
both of these dudes had fucked up teeth. as in, they were missing a few.

also on monday, a homeless man on the street cried "GIVE ME SOME SEX WITH A PRETTY WOMAN, AND I'LL BE ALRIGHT!".
i can see how that could be true.
on the train yesterday.. well, i always see this asian lady and she'll just sit there really quiet and will all of a sudden start swinging one arm in power circles above her head and flick her hand out like she can shoot lazers from it and scream RAHHH!! POWWW!!! CRRRRRRRRR!. and then is all quiet again like nothing happened.
like, every 10 minutes.

i love new york.

i've been trying to decide--
what is more difficult?
having to live up to a name and a set of expectations?
or having to build a name and create all of the expectations yourself?
i hope someone has an answer.


i am being more fiscally responsible today. i got a lower APR on my credit card!
i reduced that bitch from 16% to 12%!

now i'm in the process of trying to consolidate my student loans so i get the low rate.
deadline: june 30!
eep.
being a grown up is FUNN!!!

funny things i saw on the street today:

-that guy. you know, that guy with the suit with all the question marks on it? crazy shit.

-a dude wearing a suit of armor. well, it was only from the waist down and he was carrying the rest while hailing a cab. sweaty.