all the girls i've loved before...

occupations i have contemplated thus far:

-publishing (i thought it sounded very official and important and influential. hah! when i found out how shitty the pay is i crossed it off the list.)
-speech therapy (i AM still interested in sign language and the deaf community but i don't thrive in an office setting and all the one-on-one time doesn't appeal to me.)
-teaching english in asia (sounds very cool. sounds like something you'd want to be able to say you did once. that's about all the appeal it has for me, really. i would get too homesick.)
-teaching in the new york city public school system- (how noble, right? wrong. i realized i do not enjoy children.)
-photographer (i don't know about this one. i haven't crossed it off the list yet. i'm still contemplating and am not sure if i have "the right stuff". heh.)

"occupations" i have occupied thus far:

- babysitter (you know, like most teenage girls. in my heyday i had around 6 different families i sat for.)
-fast food worker bee (very short-lived. not hardly worth a spot on the list. helped turn me off fast food - a good thing.)
-grocery store cashier (a very important job, one requiring people skills. i liked it except it gave me lots of spider veins.)
-photo researcher & editor (i got my very first cubicle. i honed my phone voice with this job. i learned that anything is possible. anything.)
-marketing slave coordinator extraordinaire (biggest bullshit job to date. i have refined my skills at looking like i'm doing something when i'm really doing nothing. i am learning to hate corporate america (even more than ever) and the mediocre products peddled to the innocent consumer. good times. good times. office space means more and more to me every day. the only plus about this job is the sample sales.)

i have worked a grand total of 6 years so far out of my 29. 3 of those years were served before the age of 18 and 3 of those years were post-college from age 24.
if you couldn't tell, i do not enjoy "working". in a previous life i was a queen, or a princess, aka someone who told people what to do 24/7 and sat on her ass all day eating bon bons and laughing at the misfortune of others. i do not enjoy working. i am convinced i will never enjoy working. the only people - THE ONLY PEOPLE - who enjoy working are the people in power. if i could order xyz around all day i'd probably feel better. but that's just sad. okay, i take it back. there are other people who enjoy working and those are the people who actually make a difference. those are the people who do the things they talk about in public service announcements. you know, the more you know...

in conclusion i either need to:

a.) boss people around (and get paid)
or
b.) help people less fortunate than i
or
c.) continue living in a fantasy world where people get paid for making pretty things and being creative

but--- b.) isn't so pure because it inflates the ego. the whole "i'm helping you so that makes me good and righteous." instead of "i'm helping you out of kindness and all things pure and i mean it from the bottom of my heart and i really want to just help and love and heal the world.". but i guess the only people who are like the second example are nuns.

i also have to decide if i want money and how much i want/need. what am i willing to do (compromise) for money?
let's see:
i have already compromised my morals for money so that doesn't seem to be too much of an issue. i think i will have problems compromising my time for money because i hate to spend too much time working.
i am not cut out for this fakakta kaka!
and you know what? i don't see myself being satisfied with jumping into having children and never figuring this out so i better hurry the fuck up.
tick, tock!